Today is Day 3 on my new ADHD medication.
Day. Three.
Which means I am absolutely not qualified to sit here and tell you how this story ends.
I have known leftovers longer than I've known this medication.
But something feels different.
And because I don't know where this is going yet, I actually want to write about it now.
Before I know the ending.
Before I can package the whole experience into something neat little "here's what happened" story.
Because today?
My brain feels a little calmer.
And I wasn't expecting that to be the thing I noticed first.
I Thought I'd Notice Productivity
I don't know exactly what I thought ADHD medication would feel like.
Maybe suddenly I'd focus.
Maybe I'd become one of those mysterious people who writes a to-do list and then...
does the things on it.
In order.
I don't know her.
I don't know why I keep making schedules for her.
But apparently some part of me expected the first noticeable difference to be productivity.
It hasn't been.
My laundry is still laundrying.
My unfinished things remain very committed to being unfinished.
I'm still distracted.
I'm still me.
The difference I'm noticing is happening somewhere quitter.
My Brain Isn't Silent
I don't suddenly have an empty head.
That actually sounds slightly terrifying.
My thoughts are still there.
But they don't seem to be fighting quite as hard to all be heard at exactly the same time.
That's difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it.
Sometimes my ADHD isn't:
"I don't know what to do."
It's:
"I know exactly what I need to do, but my brain has generated 14 possible starting points and would now like to discuss all of them simultaneously."
By the time we've finished the internal meeting, I'm exhausted.
And nothing has happened.
Excellent meeting, everyone.
Then I Started Noticing These Little Moments
Over the last three days, there have been a few moments where something needed to happen and I just...
processed it.
Thought about it.
Figured out the next thing.
And did that thing.
No internal committee meeting.
No reorganizing the entire plan first.
No turning one task into an eight-part documentary.
I just moved to the next step.
And every once in a while I've caught myself afterward thinking:
Wait. Was that easier?
It's such a tiny thing.
But it doesn't feel tiny to me.
I Didn't Realize How Loud It Was
This might be the most emotional part for me.
I don't think I realized how much energy I was spending trying to organize the noise in my own head.
You get used to your normal.
I got used to having difficulty deciding where to start.
I got used to something simple becoming mentally complicated before I'd even begun.
So when things felt slightly calmer...
I noticed.
It's not silence.
It's more like somebody reached over and turned the volume down a couple of clicks.
Everything is still playing.
I can just hear one things a little better.
And apparently two clicks makes a difference.
Before We Get Too Excited...
It's Day 3.
I keep saying that because I want to remember it too.
I don't know what Day 10 looks like.
I don't know what Week 3 looks like.
I definitely don't know what Month 3 looks like.
Maybe I'll notice other changes.
Maybe things I'm noticing now will change.
Maybe there will be things I don't like.
Maybe future Michelle will read this and say:
Girl. You had NO idea.
She's welcome to her opinion when she gets here.
Day 3 Michelle is just documenting what she knows today.
That's Why I'm Starting This Diary
I don't want to wait until I know the ending.
Because that's usually how we tell stories.
We look backward and everything makes more sense.
But right now?
I genuinely don't know.
And there's something valuable about documenting that too.
So I'm starting an ADHD Medication Diary here on Radiant Rise.
Not every day.
I promise I won't subject you to:
DAY 12: Still own laundry.
I'll come back when there's actually something meaningful I want to remember or talk about.
The good.
The frustrating.
The weird.
The unexpected.
The things that change.
The things that stubbornly refuse to change.
I want to document what this experience actually feels like while I'm living it.
Day 3
So here's what I know today:
I'm still me.
I still have ADHD.
I still get distracted.
I still have plenty I'm trying to figure out.
But my brain feels a little calmer.
Processing things has felt a little easier in a few moments.
And for the first time in a while...
it feels like someone turned the volume down inside my head.
Not off.
We're not performing miracles over here.
Just down.
A little.
And I didn't realize how badly I needed that little bit of quiet until I felt it.
We'll see what happens next.
-Michelle
Radiant Rise
Healing. Growing. Rising Together.
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